Nobody talks about effort.

Hey, it's Kate.

I met someone at the gym who's been dating the same person for three years.

She knows he's not the one. She's not happy.

"Dating is so hard. It's so awkward. I can't go through that again."

She values love. She values being happy. She's just decided the effort means she can't.

So she stays.

And staying takes effort too. Three years of knowing. Three years of not dealing with it.

Avoiding doesn't save you effort. It just spends it on the wrong thing.

She knows her worth. She's just not acting like it.

Everyone talks about knowing your worth. Know your worth. Own your worth. Don't settle for less than you deserve.

But worth isn't something you earn. You were born with it. That part's settled.

Self-value is different. Self-value is how you honor your worth. And you honor it through effort.

My Irish dance teacher taught me that long before I had words for it.

You don't become a dancer by knowing you could be one. You move.

You say you value your health. Effort is the walk when you'd rather sit.

You say you value your relationship. Effort is the conversation you've been avoiding.

You say you value respect. Effort is speaking up when it'd be easier to let it slide.

You say you value yourself. Effort is doing the thing you keep moving to tomorrow.

Knowing your worth isn't enough. Self-value is what you do about it.

Life has gotten easier in a lot of ways. That's not a bad thing.

But effort is a skill. And like any skill, if you don't use it, you lose it.

When you lose it, things that shouldn't be that hard start to feel enormous.

A phone call feels like a mountain.
An awkward conversation feels unbearable.
A twenty-minute task gets avoided for three weeks.

Sometimes the emotion gets bigger than the thing itself.

Because we're out of practice handling discomfort.

And then we start believing that if something is hard, something must be wrong. With the situation. Or with us.

If this were right for me, it wouldn't be this hard.
If I were good at this, it would come naturally.
Other people don't seem to struggle like this.

That's the kind of thinking I heard at the gym.

So we avoid it.

And we tell ourselves we still value it.

Your Wednesday Reset

1. Accept.

Effort is part of anything that matters.

It's not a sign you're doing it wrong. It's a sign you're doing it.

2. Shift.

What are you telling yourself about the effort?

It shouldn't be this hard.
I can't stand doing this.

Now challenge that thought.

I don't like this. But I can do it.

Hard doesn't mean wrong.

3. Move.

Pick one thing you say you value.

Look at what effort it's getting from you right now.

Then say "Act like you matter," and give it some.

Effort isn't the problem. What you tell yourself about it is.

What you avoid, you live with.

ACT LIKE YOU MATTER.

Kate