I had the idea. I didn't say it.

Hey, it's Kate.

I'm still amazed when I think back to what my life looked like before I acted like I mattered.

I'd sit in meetings with great ideas and never share them. Sometimes I'd tell a coworker my idea beforehand, hoping they'd tell me it was good enough to share.

And they would. But it didn't matter.

What I believed about myself was stronger than what they believed about me.

So I'd sit through the meeting and say nothing. Then I'd walk out and rip myself apart.

I should have spoken up. Why didn't I just say something? Why do I always sit there?

All that beating myself up never got me to speak. It just made the next meeting harder.

Before those meetings, I'd tell myself: I don't want anyone to discover I might not be as smart or capable as everyone else in the room.

That thought kept me quiet in the room. It kept me tearing myself apart afterward. Hours, days, sometimes even weeks after.

Way more effort than speaking up would have taken.

Avoiding takes more effort than facing it.

And I'm not the only one. Research from Bravely found that 7 in 10 employees avoid difficult conversations at work.

Another study from Crucial Learning found that 43% of respondents estimated spending two weeks or more replaying unresolved workplace problems.

Can you imagine? Two weeks thinking about something you hadn't addressed.

Years later, I discovered my worth was inherent. And that helped me in so many ways.

But knowing my worth still wasn't enough to make me speak up.

Then I started my own business. And suddenly, staying quiet wasn't an option. If I wanted something different, I had to start doing something different.

So I started changing what I thought. I don't have to look like an expert. I just have to contribute. I just have to say what I think.

And as I changed those thoughts, I started changing what I believed about myself.

Not being the expert doesn't make me worth less than anyone else in the room.

I could finally accept that. And speaking up got easier. Slowly. Badly at first. But it got easier.

Your Wednesday Reset

This week, I want you to pay attention to what you're telling yourself when you're about to do something uncomfortable.

Maybe it's speaking up in a meeting, saying no to someone, or having a conversation you've been avoiding.

Before you decide what to do, listen to your thoughts. You might hear:

I have to look like I know what I'm doing.
I shouldn't upset anyone.
I can't stand it if they disagree with me.
It would be terrible if I embarrassed myself.

Those are examples of what I call Mind Twists.

Here's where you can put your effort this week:

1. Write down what you're telling yourself. Look for the I have to, I must, I should, I can't stand it, or it's terrible thoughts.

2. Ask yourself one question: "If that happens, what does it say about me?"

For example:

I have to look like I know what I'm doing.
If I don't, what does that say about me?
If I don't know everything, people will think I'm not good enough.

The thought is I have to look like I know what I'm doing. The belief underneath is I'm not good enough. And when you start changing those thoughts, you can begin changing what you believe about yourself.

You don't have to figure out how to change everything today. Start by recognizing what's going on in your own mind.

Your worth is never in question. What you choose to do next is where you start acting like you matter.

ACT LIKE YOU MATTER.

Kate